What Matters
Written October 11th, 2008.
In lieu of moving towards some nebulous ideal of a 'good' or 'competent' person, I am choosing to be true to myself and my own strengths, flaws, likes, disinterests, instincts, and opinions. I'm figuring out What Matters. And you know what? My version of what matters doesn't overlap very much with what is expected to matter to me.
I don't care about pop culture, politics, sports, cars, the media, or social events. People want me to care and try to give me reasons to care, but I just don't. My interests lie in worlds elsewhere, in language, in genuine communication between real people, in change and evolution, in the natural world, and deep within the spiritual and psychological self. I am capable of and willing to adapt in certain cases - watching good TV shows and movies with my friends, staying informed about politics so that I can make wise choices with my little ballot, and knowing enough about my car to avoid abusing her. I can use those activities to further and expand my own self and points-of-view (largely creatively), after all. And there's plenty of room for new interests to form or old ones to be rekindled - for example, I haven't been reading regularly for a few years and I'm only now getting around to correcting that lack.
My choice lets fall by the wayside many things that other people think matter. In choosing to be true to myself, to dive in head-first to all that I am and can be, I am by necessity giving up the option to become what I consider a more ideal person. I'm either me or I'm sanitized, sculpted, standard. I either stand by my likes and dislikes, my interests and my disinterests, or I try to accommodate everyone's expectations and become nothing but an ineffectual pleaser. Granted, that second option would make me a lot more well-rounded in functionality; it would make me fit better into the world in which I find myself.
However, I choose self. The people I admire the absolute most in this world are the ones who are strong in and true to themselves, while still being willing to reach out and form real connections with other genuine people. They're brave and stubborn and caring and introspective. I respect that a whole helluva lot, and I value it wherever I find it. This world is way too full of sheeple as it is; the real people interspersed amongst the masses should be recognized and appreciated when found.
So, really, what does matter to me?
My people matter - my loved ones, be they related by blood or not, be they human or animal or something of both. Writing and worldbuilding matter. Speaking and storytelling and singing matter; making art with my voice and hands and body matters. My mind's eye and my physical flesh matter. My space and my place and my time matter. Learning and improving myself and evolving matter. Being attuned to myself and the natural world and other living things matter.
Living fully, thoroughly, exuberantly matters. Being fluid, adaptable, shiftable matters. Being kind, courteous, generous matters. Being true to myself and strong in who I am matters. Being me at the expense of being closer to perfect matters. Spending time doing what I want to do and what benefits the expansion of myself matters. Enjoying the hell out of life matters.
That's my choice.